FORAGING TIME---(sometimes called saturday)

Some people live to eat, while others just eat to live-----the difference between these types is how many trips to the supermarket they make in a given week. I use to think the difference between these type of people was in how much weight they were toting around, but I have learned as I got older that is not a good means of measuring as some people can put on weight just by watching others eat, while some can lose weight even as hey eat---(I HATE those people).

I have perused the larder here at the Palace, and well its getting kinda bleak---I'm over stocked on Arrowhead water, paper towels and Tomato Sauce----and out of everything else-----this last week or so has been kinda surreal-----but now I have to get back on the horse and---well at least venture forth and get some food in the house---its SUPERMARKET TIME!!

For the last couple decades I have gone to the store shopping for two----but now I only have to shop for just one------I am sitting here thinking about making a list and it occurs to me that I consciously have to remember now not to over buy foodstuffs that have a limited shelf life, (IE;, lettuce and other perishables)---and it occurs to me to that now when I cook a meal, I need to only prepare half of my recipes, unless of course I want to create a ton of left overs, which then reminds me of one of Erma Bombecks remarks---leftovers are okay, it takes a week to make garbage!!

I am sure all of you have in your hours of waiting in line to check out of the grocery store observed those individuals ahead of you in line, that are buying the small individual servings of soups, and frozen entrees, maybe a small piece of fruit and 27 cans of cat food----I am determined not to become one of those sad lonely people. I will buy in bulk, and learn how to make use of freezer bags, and keep the place stocked so should the occasion arise, I can whip up a dinner for 4-6 people, and I am determined to not lean on frozen entrees for the bulk of my meals, but to cook up good healthy meals from scratch---like what the heck I can burn meat with the best of em when I apply myself.(LOL)

OKAAAY, I'm glad we had this little talk, yeahh its gonna be okay----I can do it, I CAN go to the store and all I need to do is maintain some semblence of sanity and not over buy---I mean even if the price is right, not gonna buy 25 pound sack of potatoes----ten pounds is enough right?

LOOKOUT RALPH'S---ready or not, here comes the old Dude!!

The Sun Sinks In The West---again

I have no idea why I titled this post as I have---me thinks it has to do with my acknowledging my place in the scheme of things----kinda reminding me that I am just here temporarily---and life goes on, whether I want it to or not---watching the sun set, signifying the end of yet another day, in spite of me and my doings---well keeps a guy kinda humble ya know what I mean?

The sun sinking in the west does make the question of what will I cook for dinner a bit more important, kinda running outta time on answering that question---yeah, yeah I know its fashionable to eat late----but I hate waking up with heartburn caused by eating late and going to bed to soon afterwards. Okay, with my back to the wall and not feeling all that industrious, I have decided tonight's gourmet selection will be ---(wait for it)-----(insert trumpet fanfare here )---Spaghetti with Classico Florentine Spinach & Cheese sauce-----wow, gone!!, my headache is gone!! (meal planning can really put the pressure on a guy)

Tonight's movie will be the old classic "Pajama Game", with John Rait and Doris Day and Eddie Foy Jr.

Sex and the Single Blogger

Matt,  as those who follow his blog  ("That Tears It--) is about to lay a post on us newbies informing us of the use of optimized search phrases and keywords in increasing ones traffic to our blogs. All that fancy language boils down to what most Madison avenue PR types have known since hector was a pup-----SEX sells.

The key of course is how to have a sexy blog, but at the same time, have a blog that doesn't have to come with xxx rating warning . A blog your parents and friends can read, and not go away with the impression your some kind of sex maniac wannabee. This social stigmata has to be avoided at all costs. Being an adult male, a single adult male mind you, and living in a house, in the middle of suburbia-----one is very careful about how one relates to children when they are around---first rule is---avoid all children not accompanied by a parent. Mothers are mostly paranoid about who is hovering around their offspring. (and its perfectly understandable that they well should be, if they are any kind of good mother at all) I am getting off track, this is about blogging, but I needed an example of how inappropriate conduct in public can quickly get you labelled incorrectly and socially stigmatized.

First we need to define what is "Sexy" as compare to what is just blatant appeal to sleaze and porn. In this definition of the word "Sexy" it doesn't always pertain to raw sex, but to a look of excitement , mystery, and overall positive appeal. So having said that, I would say outright nudity presentations are not good, unless in the pure sense of classical art---if your not sure what that means, best to avoid nudity in your blog altogether. Anglo-Saxon language usage is as a rule pretty sleazy and shows a lack of vocabulary----like I am not a total prude, but there is a time and place to use it---and a little of it goes a long,long way---is anybody listening to me Damnit? (lol). Nobody really misses it when reading blogs, so if your not using Anglo-Saxon words, good for you.

The application of colorful illustrations to underline ones conversational points is always kinda "sexy"---but many people do not have digital cameras, or the imagination to use them in conjunction with their blogging posts. (this is an area I know I am weak in , and endeavor to improve). There are accessible libraries of free pics one can visit and download from, I bet any number of you readers can name such services?.( and no, I am not speaking of the tawdry xxx crap that is all to easily accessed---ask any kid age 12 or older).

Finally, the ability to "turn a phrase", or make use of double meaning words or phrases is something one needs to monitor when blogging. What might to you seem innocent enough, and humorous, may to many of your readers come across as being a "potty mouth", and one can quickly get tagged with that social stigma one really doesn't want. To avoid that pitfall, one should use such double meaning phrases minimally---and in a manner that is clearly meant to be humorous, and not mistaken for a remark meant to be taken seriously. Being a single man, with a rapier wit, (well I THINK SO!), I am much aware of how things can get said , and interpreted on the basis of "oh well he is a single guy and you know how they are---", ---be careful out there people its a jungle!!

Lurkers are Losers

It is kinda hard to post something everyday, to keep one's blog page from just laying there and collecting dust, and I am sure all of you reading this agree. Now what do ya think of those people, who just flit from one blog to another read the posts, and jump to the next one, never leaving a comment good bad or even indifferent----they suck up your posts and give nothing in return---makes a guy feel kinda "used" know what I mean?

How does one know if one has been totally "LURKED OVER" you ask, its simple enough. Most all bloggers have site counters running on their blog, telling them how many people have visited their page, how long they stayed on average, and how many posts (pages) they looked at. So look at your site counter and see how many came to your page---now look at how many comments ya got---if ya got 40 visitors say for example, did you receive 40 comments?? If not then you are the victim of Lurkers-----you have been "LURKED OVER".


So what can one do about defending one's blog, how does one fight back against blatant attacks by these lurker losers? The answer is, one could go into the blog analytics and track down the ip addresses of these socially inept creatures, and expose them to the world by name---but then that would require you to sink to their level, and make you as bad as they are. All one can do is continue to post---ignore the lurkers, and take ones satisfaction in those that take the time to leave a comment, even if its a simple one word input like "cool", or "bummer" ---at least they left you with an opinion, confirmed that your blog IS indeed being read, that your not wasting your time. and as such these people deserve a shot at you having a read of their blogs and returning the favor-----its only fair and the decent thing to do.

Lurkers are losers---lower than pond scum in my book---don't be a Lurker, don't be a loser.

THANK GOODNESS FOR CAN OPENERS

Sometimes ya feel like a nut and other times ya just ain't got the right attitude. Well as the sun slowly sinks in the west (which it does in spite of anything I ever do)---I have decide I don't feel like going to the trouble of making dinner from scratch---its gonna be one of those can-opener, heat and serve efforts.

To be more exact, I am going with a large can of Dinty Moore beef stew, which I will top off with a batch of dumplings. (1 cup flour, two teaspoons of baking powder, two Tablespoons of vegetable oil, a pinch of salt, and a half cup of milk-----mix it all up into a gelatinous mass, and then using a teaspoon, drop the mixture into the bubbling stew (makes about 10-12 dumplings), put lid on pan, and cook on low for another 15 minutes------serve with crackers, or garlic bread and a tossed salad-----voila, another meal is done.

"LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION"---(cue the sunrise)

I'm sitting here working on my first cup of coffee, going through my list of blogs that I follow, and dropping this or that comment on the new postings, and of course checking to see if anybody had bothered to drop any comments on my "stuff".

I did receive a a few comments, and one from a "new" reader, and of course I linked back to his blog and dropped a thank you comment ( kinda the bloggers equivalent of truck drivers blinking their light to tell ya its okay to swing back in the right lane after ya passed them), and then decided , after reading his latest inputs, to add his blog to my blog role. I have this penchant of collecting blogs that come up with off the wall postings, and this particular blog promises to be a good one in that regard---it made THIS old dude chuckle, and so its good enough for me. If ya wanna give it a shot, check my "Blog Role---hold he mayo" list on my side bar, and click on "irregularly periodic ruminations".

Completing my review of my friends and family blogs, making comments as required, then going though my blog role of other blogs I follow, again making comments as the mood strikes. I have now rewarded myself with a second cup of coffee, and got out of my "jammies" and put on the costume of the day. (your basic levis, t-shirt, wht socks and sneakers kinda guy here).


OKAY!!!, LETS GET THIS DAY ROLLING, ---"LIGHTS, CAMERA---ACTION"!! (OH CRAP----FORGOT MY LINES----"CUT"!! (sorry boss, I'll get it right next time---ahh maybe you can tell me what my motivation is for this scene----and any chance I can get another cup of java?)

OH NO----Not the Supermarket AGAIN!!

Its Saturday, I would like to pretend its any other day of the week but it IS still saturady-----and no getting round it----we gotta go to the supermarket. (thats the trouble with food----its addictive)
In my denial of it being the day it is---I have yet to make a list of those things I need ---and we all know how deadly it is to go into a supermarket without a specific list. (shudder). So my first mandatory chore for the day will be to inventory the pantry and cupboards and make up the list of those items that should be procured. I have not a clue as to what meals I might serve this week----I am tempted to just stop at the big market freezer and pick the first seven frozen Marie Callendar entrees I come across---the only thing stopping me is, they are loaded with sodium (aka salt), and I am never really convinced that the chicken, beef and pork they profess to be made from is really chicken, beef or pork. (----clap your hands if you believe children.)
Now as my mind circles the concept of making up a list of stuff to procure from the Groceria---I am mentally savoring the idea of maybe one meal being a "Hobo" Omelet---eggs with onions, bell peppers, pieces of ham, or bacon or both,---add it some bite sized pieces of potatoes and cut up tomatoes-----yessss that sounds good, okay we got one meal identified, only six more to go---- now what else should we shop for? OH, OH!! how about Chili with fresh cornbread slices?? (Damn I'm on a roll now)-----Pastry Shells willed with precooked chicken breast chunks, mixed vegetables in a cheese sauce-------Smothered Pork chops, Mashed Potatoes and green beans, Beef Enchiladas w/verde Sauce, Mexican rice and re fried beans-----Swordfish steaks, Tator Tots, -----and finally good old Spaghetti and meat balls, tossed salad.
Wow, now that I got me the list---guess will I still have some positive thinking going I will head to the store------laters yeh awl---(lol)----(ooops almost forgot my Ralph's card)

Think About It---??!!

your sitting there scanning the comments people have put on your posts, and in the back of your mind maybe plotting out your next post. The sun is shining your morning coffee is sooooo good, but then ask yourself-------who was reading your blog last night???

We all know the kind of people we like, and admire. We publish our posts with a certain quality of audience in mind, and we go to all kind of lengths to present the image we want others to see us as being like. Its human nature to wanna be loved. We go to extreme lengths to hide what we consider to be our flaws or weak points, and its very uncomfortable to have friends or family remind us of them. Yet here we all our out blogging, presenting our self to the world, or at least that image we want the world to see-----but again, who is reading your blog?? What are they like, what might they think of you??

Like most Bloggers, you love getting comments on your postings, and wanting to see "more" of who they are, we quickly track down THEIR blog pages and profiles and try to categorize who they are and what they are all about. Guess what??----you find they are people who you might well not have wanted to meet---or worse some of them might be people you would find most difficult to explain to your real world family and friends----yet, you develop a online relationship, you visit their blogs and make comments and they do the same for you---but as you continue this unsolicited relationship, you begin to find yourself feeling guilty about the flaws and weak spots you have hidden from the world---while these others seem to not care and appear to have thrown themselves out there warts and all and are enjoying themselves. The question now is----why aren't you?

So tonight late, when your all snuggled down under your warm blankets and just about to fall asleep----think about it---I wonder who is reading my blog right now??----sweet dreams.

Saturdays and Supermarkets

I have to confess I am a creature of habit. Since late teens, either being at school, or holding down a full time job-----I habitually have grown accustomed to doing my grocery shopping on Saturdays. Now retired, and each and everyday totally uncommitted to any set mandatory routines---I still cling to the Saturday/Supermarket drill. How set am I in this pattern. Suffice it to say I am almost certain, that I will be either struck by lightning, or bring down on my head some terrible curse which will affect me the rest of my years. At the very least I will become dizzy and discombobulated, and most likely nauseous. So its Saturday and today we will go to the supermarket, and all will be right with the world, and truth, justice and the American way will flourish.
Okay so we have once again fought back the urge to break out of our set ways, and stayed in our tight little boring predictable pattern. (stupid weakling)---so what are we going to buy at the store---have you made a list? (no), do you even know what you need in the way of groceries? (no)-----but your going to go to the store anyway right? (yes) Your stupid too (hmm probably).
Having had this little internal dialog with myself, I will of course scan the Fridge, the cupboards and Pantry, and take stock of what vittles I have on hand. Then I will sit down and decide what meals I want to cook this week, and make a list of what I need at the store to complete them. I will then check the bathrooms and determine if anything is needed there, such as toilet paper, soaps, shampoos, cleansers etc. (I am beginning to get excited , this could turn out to be a totally satisfying and worthy project, -----going to the supermarket doesn't HAVE to be a drudge or a thankless task----(ah hell who am I trying to kid!). So make a list----1.) Beer, 2.) Bag of Mini-pretzels------
Anyway , at least I won't bring down the wrath of Khan on the planet by failing to make the required appearance at the supermarket.----(sigh)----

Tonight's Regularly Scheduled Movie Is Cancelled

This being early in the new fall TV schedule, one endeavors to watch some of the new shows, or pick up on those shows that continue from the previous fall schedule. As such , the standard summer schedule of Monday night NetFlix movies , in lieu of re-runs, reality shows, and boring Monday night professional football matches, has been cancelled.
Tonight, we will be watching "Chuck" (nerd who wants to be a super spy), "Two and a half Men", "Worst Week", and then "Boston Legal".
Please check the game room bulletin board tomorrow afternoon for tomorrow nights programing.


The Matilija Entertainment Committee

The Tuesday Raid on Ralph's

The campaigned was planned out carefully, with much give and take discussion to make sure that the Commadant (aka LP) and his Field General (moi) were in total agreement on the missions goal.

This mission was designed for the specific purpose of raiding the local Ralph's store and relieveing them of certain needed supplies, get in and out quick, with minimum casualties. On previous scouting patrols, (me disguised as a local beaten down, over taxed senior citizen, dressed in old levis, and a no name t-shirt, dirty sneakers)---had carefully mapped out the interior of our local, recently renovated Ralphs food emporium,----memorizing the location of the various needed supplies, where the exits were, the best lines for checkout---monitored the store traffic at various times of the day to best decide just when to make the real raid. I reported this back to the C.O.----and finally the night before, we completed the list of provisions that we hoped to successfully acquire---.

NEEDED SUPPLIES

Quiche (Loraine or Florintine, which ever was available)
Two (2) Tomatoes ( for frying)

Sm. container of Deli Herb Tuna Salad

One (1) box of Cherry Tomatoes
One (1) dozen eggs (brown free range)
One (1) 26oz jar of Classico "Cabernet Marinara" sauce
One (1) pre-cooked N veined Shrimp platter (approx 30 shrimps)
One (1) Box of frozen Waffles (10 waffles to the box)
Two (2) Marie Calendar frozen entree's, "Noodles Alfredo w/garlic bread"
One (1) Package of White Long Grain Rice
Cash ($10.00)

     It had been mutually agreed that the best, most advantagous time to maximize the success of the mission would be to launch the raid at 5 minutes to 8am.  At that hour of the day, their would be a minimum of civilian shoppers, that might get caught in the conflict, should our mission become known and I would have to fight my way out of the store.  Also, the enemy (Ralph's employees), would still only be half wake, and even more importantly, would be distracted by the large number of sub contractors in the store re-stocking their displays, as well as the normal morning floor sweeping, polishing maintenance chores.
     I arrived exactly on time, entering the store, this time disguised as an early shopper, wearing cargo pants, pullover sweater shirt, boots, looking like a moderately up-scale shopper, but not so flashy as to draw any unwantged extra observation, I moved with a combination of efficiency, yet casualness, the mission going exactly as planned, I even had the audacity to actually speak to one of the enemy, in a calm voice asking which Isle I might find the Quiche---the fool actually told me.  I went through the checkout, with a friendly smile on my face, but kept the cross talk with the clerk to a mere Good Morning, nice day today line of dialog, the checkout clerk grunted still only half awake, I was certain if questioned later, she would not even  be able to describe what I was wearing let alone my face.  I forced myself to maintain the casual pace, taking my supplies to the truck, loading it and casually driving off the lot----expecting any moment to see a wave of box boys race out of the store after me, but I made my get-a-way clean.  ---tis a great start for a Tuesday.

Heres a pic of some of the supplies that were successfully brought back to the castle:

we ain't gonna starve for a few more days anyway. (lol)

Whats For Dinner?"

Here at Matilija House, the old dude (that's me) is making his popular beef stew. This recipe kinda evolved from my starving student days, when money was more myth than reality, so one learned how to stretch a food dollar.
It all began on a cold rainy day in Boulder, Colorado. If memory serves it was late in the month, on a Tuesday evening. I couldn't afford to go out with the guys for beer and pizza, but I was hungry, so like a flash of lightning the idea struck me, why not make beef stew, how hard could it be?? I hit the market and I got some beef, some carrots, some celery and some potatoes. (I even got change from the $5.oo bill I paid with. I guess I should tell ya this all happened way back in Oct, 1955.)
I wasn't totally sure, but I opted to brown the beef in a big iron 5qt pot, then I added all the other stuff, --yes I chopped it up first, added water and let it simmer. Lets just say this first attempt was nothing to write home about, and even now it embarrasses me to talk about it. Bad as my first attempt was, it made me all the more determined to get it right-----and so after getting over my first blah attempt, I snuck a few glances at beef stew recipes when I came across them---learned tomatoes are your friend, salt, pepper, learned how to brown my meat dredged in flour-----anyway today----my beef stew is pretty damn good---hell maybe even capable of winning a ribbon at a county fair. but (sigh) its still not as good as Mom made.

Judi Made Me Do It

     I received this cute little word association test/challenge from Judi----in that she allows me to toss memes at her, I figure the least I could do is respond to her word association challenge.  Those that read this might , if your so inclined share the answers YOU would have come up with by posting them on your blog pages.

WORD ASSOCIATION TEST

I SAY---                                     YOU ANSWER--?

1.  Memory                    Recollection 

2.  Original                     One of a kind

3.  Exclusively                 Limited to

4.  Listings                      Television programs

5.  Bucket                       Pail

6.  Knight                        Day

7.  Dusty                         Barns

8.  Choice                       Best of the picks

9.  Sunlight                      Warmth

10.  Change of plans       Plan B

     I think now maybe I should take my meds and lay down now right? (LOL)

PONDERABLES--(PART I)

PONDERABLES

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9.. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

Mixed Berry Pie and GOG

It was a fairly decent day til about two hours ago. Just before 2pm (PST) the LP casually inquired if I had any intentions of going to the grocery store today. I replied that yes I did have that on my list of things to do to day---(actually it was the only thing I had on my list of things to do to day---like I said it was a nice day). I equally casually inquired as to why he had asked me that, was there something he would like me to pick up from Ralph's??
Obviously there was or he would not have asked if I was going to the store---we went through the social niceties ---well if it wasn't a bother, no its no bother, yadda, yadda yadda, and I learned that he had this sudden desire for a piece of pie. No nothing fancy like one might get at Marie Callendars, just a good old fashion off the shelf standard pie from Ralph's. "Sure , no problem, and what kind would you like?" says I---The LP pauses, blinks a few times as he ponders his specific flavor hunger and in a low voice, "An apricot Pie would be great----(then seeing my skeptical look on being able to find that particular flavor, he went on)---my second choice would be a Berry Pie, no, no, wait, make that Key Lime Pie---but if they don't have that then make it Cherry" By this time I am now taking notes, and getting a headache, but I manage to collect all the info regarding just what kind of pie he would like, as well as his second, third and forth choices..
So I collected my own grocery list, and headed out to the big supermarket , with reasonable expectations of success. The sun was shining, and the world seemed to be in balance, ---you would think at my age I would immediately know something was about to go wrong it always does when things get to being that good.
It started as I pulled in the big parking lot at Ralph's---I swear I had stepped into the twilight zone----for immediately I was swept up in the tide of cars going round and round looking for a parking slot, stop and go, stop and go, stop and go-----three and a half complete circuits of the parking lot, before the gods decided to allow me to park, and that of course was about as far from the store entrance as one could get and still be in the parking lot. (but I was grateful to get out of the stop and go, stop and go level of hell).
I entered the big Ralph's emporium, the cool air conditioning washing over me as I bravely pushed my empty cart, and for a brief couple minutes I began to have hopes that the worst of it was over, and the rest of my trip would go smoothly (yeah right!! its truly amazing that I retain any sense of optimism at all).
The circus in the parking lot should have prepared me for the zoo inside the store. It was readily apparent to me as I looked at the structured chaotic mob surrounding the checkout stations that if I had any smarts at all I should flee the store and go home and accept the LP's snickers of disgust at my inability to purchase a simple everyday item that he had requested. My family inherited stubborn streak precluded my making such a rationale decision, I had come to shop and should it mean I would be run down by unattended kids playing tag with market baskets, or delayed in mid blocked isles by seniors trying to read their scribbled grocery lists---I would complete my own list, no matter how long it took.
Unfortunately my list of items required I go all over the damn store from one side to the other , from the front to the back-----dodging the kids, keeping my hands to myself, and not throttling the screamers, keeping one eye on the shelves for my items, the other on the lookout for mad dog cart drivers---there was a four cart pile up on Isle #6 involving two older blue haired women, their husbands, a young women with two screaming 6-7 yo's, and senior citizen driving one of the electric carts-----I didn't stick around to find out who or what had happened, it seemed they were about to start throwing can goods at each other---I wanted no part of that----I rounded up my half dozen items from my list, and pushed my way into the bakery area to get the LP's pie. I quickly determined they had no Apricot pies, (his #1 choice) but they did have Peach pies, hmmmm, but wait he had made no mention of Peach pies, so best not to get that, I had to screen about 1-12 cherry pies, before I scored one that read "mixed berry", I grabbed it and headed for the check out stations----it was like entering the seventh level of Dante's inferno. The screams of tired and cranky children, the snarls of adults who had been in line waaay to long. In my own line, it was like life had suddenly gone into real slow motion, every one ahead of me had issues with the checkout person, regarding whether it was a two get on free, or a coupon for a different size, but what the hell ---last minute changes of mine, my ice cream is melting can you send the box boy back to get a frozen one, etc, etc, etc.---I don't remember clearly paying for my groceries, nor do I recollect driving home the few blocks to the house---what I do remember is, unpacking the groceries, hearing the LP telling me he was ready for his pie and wanted ice cream on it----, in a calm smiling face I gave him a nice slice of pie, with Ice cream, he smiled up at me, and vocalized his thanks, and once again GOG returned to his normal good natured self (GOG is shorthand for "Good old Gary althought sometimes it stands for "Grumpy old Gary")-----well it HAD been a nice day at the start anyway.

Green Tea VS Decaffinated Coffee.

There is a war going on guys, and its Decaf coffee versus Green Tea. We all live in tense times, you have fun to look at the evening news or scan the Internet and become totally upset, and reaching for something calming----Decaffeinated coffee or that new comer on the scene----Green Tea?? whats your sedative of choice people.
Over my large number of years , I'm 71 now, the two adult choices of non-alcoholic beverages has been coffee, or tea---later as Madison avenue became for sophisticated, this got broken down into regular coffee, decaffeinated coffee, Lipton tea, Iced tea, and a whole plethora of various brands pushing the product. (Folgers, Maxwell House, Lipton etc, etc, etc). The American public became familiar with Mrs. Olsen, and Juan Valdez.
Then a couple years ago, one began to see or hear the odd advertisement for "green tea", at first nobody paid it any real attention---it was lost in the flood of the standard coffee/tea blitzkriegs. Nobody seemed to mind the odd input of a commercial ad, in the throw away papers for green tea, but slowly we began to be exposed to these blandishments in health pamphlets, and then the better magazines----and all of a sudden its all over the media, ---TV, Radio, Magazines, newspapers, billboards---"'GREEN TEA, GREEN TEA, GREEN TEA!!"
I thought I was immune to the Madison avenue hyping formula, but---(sob) I almost broke into tears as unpacking my groceries from my latest trip to the store-----I found a box of teabags, ----green tea bags. Like a zombie, unable to control myself, I went about boiling water, placing a bag of this new narcotic in it---pouring the hot water-------and then after allowing the mixture to cool, its clear light green color ---I sipped it, expecting all kinds of horrible things to happen, but none did-----.
I finished that first cup of green tea, and as I stared out the window on a clear blue sky and bright sunshine, this old dude came to a conclusion-------I shoulda bought a bigger box of green tea bags.

"The Old Dude versus The Dreaded Supermarket Gambit"

One of my fans admonished me saying I was the only one who could make doing the laundry sound like fun.-----so today I am going to see if I can put a positive spin on doing the required acquisition of eatables----I may be over reaching, and I need to be careful----I'm running the risk of having my "Ralph's Senior Card" deleted from the machine-----creating an instant "street person". However I am reasonable confident Ralph's will not see me as a serious threat to their strangle hold on the San Fernando Valley.
Okay, today is Saturday, no big deal, that happens about the same time every week, pretty consistently. Now on Saturdays, as a hangover from back in the old days when I worked the 40 hour nine to five thing, this is the day I do my weekly grocery shopping, drop off cleaning at the dry cleaners, do the gardening and those chores one normally, when working a 40 hour week are two tired to take on when arriving home. Out of habit I have continued to bunch my chores into the Saturday time frame---now being retired, if they don't get done, there is always NEXT Saturday right? ---but I digress---this post is about the grocery acquisitioning task.
The first thing one absolutely must do, is prepare a list of those things needed to be bought. To enter the modern supermarket without a list----is sheer doom. The big mega markets we shop at today all have hired professional psychologists to advise them of what color packages to use, what eye level it should sit on the shelf--(ever wonder why the candies are down there staring the Lil kids eyeball to eyeball?)----the scents of fresh baked bread wafting through the store, the placement of what appears last minute of pots of fresh flowers and greenery---and notice too, no matter what time of day you visit the fresh produce section, somebody is there misting down the greens or polishing the apples and oranges keeping it looking oh so appetizing. Oh no, one MUST have a list of what he came in to buy---and not allow him/herself to be sidetracked into impulsive purchases---that's a quick trip to debt-ville . (how does a mom explain to her child he doesn't really need lunch money for school, her having over spent at the grocery market on impulse buys, and they can eat when they get home.)
So this old dude makes up his list of eatables and food materials that he will need for the coming week, planning my meals to be served for myself and the LP, verifying with multiple trips from the den to the kitchen to the pantry to determine if I have this or that already or need to buy more----I even take into my military precision planning to make use of what coupons apply to my final list. NOTE: Old Dude Grocery Shopping Law #1-- One NEVER allows a coupon to determine if an item is to be purchased. (one does NOT save a dollar buying something one doesn't need for five dollars just to make use of a dollar discount---all you have done is spend four dollars ya didn't and shouldn't have---hey its okay kids you can eat when ya get home).
Finally my list of foodstuffs completed, its time to go to -------THE STORE. I have carefully dressed in a so-so pair of Levi's, dirty white sneakers and a solid color (blue ) T-shirt. This outfit deliberately chosen to assist me in blending in with the many other rats running in the maze. (you laugh at me calling myself and my fellow shoppers as "Rats in a Maze"---have you stopped and analyzed the layout of your supermarket---its deliberately laid out, foods put in specific locations to almost guarantee any one person must travel up and down all the isles to get what is on their list---presenting to these "rats" scurrying through the maze--a zillion possible impulse whim purchases---its diabolical I tell ya.)
It would be much simpler if one didn't have so many variations on a theme presented to us for almost every item we wish to buy. Tomatoes?---one has to decide between about 15 varieties, sizes and color. Similarly, you wish to buy soup----40 feet of shelving 6 1/2 feet high, of all the various brands and flavors of soups--- (by the way believe it or don't but Ralph's did NOT have Cream of Asparagus soup in stock last week---I know cause I spent the better part of 30 minutes going through all the brands looking for it.) The same with just about everything else one might want, butter, potatoes, milk, ---the packaged sliced meats is a world in itself. It makes grocery shopping almost hell having to make decisions. Its not unusual to learn that some marriages have come apart just on the basis of the wrong brands of foods being purchased. I can almost understand THAT---here at home the LP watches cooking shows all day, then makes up HIS grocery list----and sends me to the store. (between his coming up with some weird brands and his lousy spelling, I have come close to a nervous breakdown trying to complete his shopping for him. (I believe I have told you before about the P B Cookie dough incident in one of my older posts, but it illustrates the problem---long story short, I found the cookie dough section of Ralph's, but it took me some time to translate the "P B" into Palm Beach cookie dough, but I finally did---by then my ice cream had melted and I had to get a fresh package).
Aside from all the above terrors of shopping, all in all a trip through our modern supermarkets is quite an experience, foods from all over the world are on display for purchase, ginger roots, juamarabbi's,(Mexican potatos), and dozens of things that our multicultural population here in Los Angeles requires for their eating habits. The store is air conditioned, one can even purchase a roll and coffee to munch on while rolling through the miles of isles-----but like I said, without a list-----(shudder)---they do take all the major credit cards however.

GOOD LUCK AND GOOD HUNTING

Another Moment IN Time

As the sun slowly sinks in the west (yet again), it occurs to me come the dawn that tomorrow will be the 27th of the Month.----and no way I can pretend I am surprised, have seen it coming for weeks--tomorrow I get to go to the Medical Hospital (A major hospital which will go unnamed) and get a "Bone Density" test. Why a bone density test you all ask---well, (sigh) dealing here with this humongously enlarged Postrate---and the doctor having done a number of biopsies has found no real evidence of cancer, but-------and having discussed the pros and cons at some length with him---have agreed that I should go about about "shrinking " the monster, so that eventually, SHOULD surgery be required it will be a viable option----so I have begun taking the necessary drugs to "shrink" the big guy down----yes Virginia this has to do with chemotherapy and I now am at risk of not having sufficient calcium in my body over the duration of the treatment (we are talking 6-18 monthes, one pill a day).
However to monitor things its necessary to establish a bone density level---so thus the need for tomorrows test. Its no big deal---besides I have to leave the house anyway if for no other reason than to complete the grocery shopping I failed to do early today----(not to mention refurbish my beer supply ),which I noticed a moment ago , as I took the last cold brewski in captivity for myself, that we are now totally out of. (I really DO have to find better planning skills). Have no fear sportfans, my appointment tomorrow is late in the afternoon, and I plan on making another post in the morning---and if I get back from the bone testing grounds early enough an afternoon posting as well? (lol)

Super Market Time

Some people have a pathological fear of Supermarkets. These people will drive miles out of their way to obtain groceries from roadside stands, or small niche market stores. They almost always take as much advantage of their friends and neighbors as they can---using the old, "oh if your going to the supermarket today, gee, gosh could you pick up a couple items for me" routine. I feel kinda sorry for those people---supermarkets being such a main social center of modern lives as they are---to have a fear of them----that's not living , that's merely existing.
I myself have no fear of the Supermarkets---I go in KNOWING in advance that in all probability I am going to come out with my blood pressure raging, my wallet screaming "rape", my mind in total turmoil, not having found this or that and now having to substitute and totally revamp my weeks meal planning that I had spend a good 15-20 minutes working on in preparation to going to the store. Like HELLO, going to the supermarket is probably the highlight of my week. and its air conditioned too.
Today, is Tuesday, this is the day I do the LP's grocery list. I received the list and my detailed instructions last evening, and I am pleased to report I am quite confident I Will be able to acquire all of the items, the only sticky part will be as I get checked out---and ask for $200 in cash----this slows the clerks down as almost always they have to call the assistant mgr, who has to go to the back room to get the extra cash (I have noticed over time however if I shop late in the after noon, more often than not the clerk will have sufficient cash in their drawer to handle my request).----but again even in my worst case scenario, I get the cash and the trip will be a successful one.---I will plan on hitting the market about 2-2:30pm---after the lunch rush, but before the 4pm "oh my gawd he will be home from work in an hour and I don't have anything to cook for dinner", rush.----and I need to review the list with my collection of usable coupons---its gonna be a good day.

I Want MY Jeopardy/Wheel of Fortune Time

Its bad enough there is diddly on the tv programming, they now gotta add to the garbage, and put in an hour of (sob!) the "Donk's party in Denver----and to make room for it they had to ursurp the two best shows on the schedule, "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune". "WE" are most definitely not amused! I have no interest in the "Brick and Joe (text me) Biden comedy show----its been going now for over a year and a half------and so far he hasn't said anything, but then he IS a politician isn't he---hmmph, I wouldn't buy a used car from him either. First ya fire your Minister for upstaging ya, then ya blantantly snub our wounded troops, and now your first "presidential " decision is to offer the Vice Presidency to one of the entrenched "DC" elite. (Hows THAT for Change folks?)----and then as a final blow to the people you block out their favorite game shows and insist they gotta listen to you---------ya think?? (if ya hurry ya might still be able to sign of with the Madonna World Tour, she could use a good clown act to warm up the crowds for her act)