Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Tuesday Raid on Ralph's

The campaigned was planned out carefully, with much give and take discussion to make sure that the Commadant (aka LP) and his Field General (moi) were in total agreement on the missions goal.

This mission was designed for the specific purpose of raiding the local Ralph's store and relieveing them of certain needed supplies, get in and out quick, with minimum casualties. On previous scouting patrols, (me disguised as a local beaten down, over taxed senior citizen, dressed in old levis, and a no name t-shirt, dirty sneakers)---had carefully mapped out the interior of our local, recently renovated Ralphs food emporium,----memorizing the location of the various needed supplies, where the exits were, the best lines for checkout---monitored the store traffic at various times of the day to best decide just when to make the real raid. I reported this back to the C.O.----and finally the night before, we completed the list of provisions that we hoped to successfully acquire---.
Quiche (Loraine or Florintine, which ever was available)
Two (2) Tomatoes ( for frying)
Sm. container of Deli Herb Tuna Salad
One (1) box of Cherry Tomatoes
One (1) dozen eggs (brown free range)
One (1) 26oz jar of Classico "Cabernet Marinara" sauce
One (1) pre-cooked N veined Shrimp platter (approx 30 shrimps)
One (1) Box of frozen Waffles (10 waffles to the box)
Two (2) Marie Calendar frozen entree's, "Noodles Alfredo w/garlic bread"
One (1) Package of White Long Grain Rice
Cash ($10.00)

     It had been mutually agreed that the best, most advantagous time to maximize the success of the mission would be to launch the raid at 5 minutes to 8am.  At that hour of the day, their would be a minimum of civilian shoppers, that might get caught in the conflict, should our mission become known and I would have to fight my way out of the store.  Also, the enemy (Ralph's employees), would still only be half wake, and even more importantly, would be distracted by the large number of sub contractors in the store re-stocking their displays, as well as the normal morning floor sweeping, polishing maintenance chores.
     I arrived exactly on time, entering the store, this time disguised as an early shopper, wearing cargo pants, pullover sweater shirt, boots, looking like a moderately up-scale shopper, but not so flashy as to draw any unwantged extra observation, I moved with a combination of efficiency, yet casualness, the mission going exactly as planned, I even had the audacity to actually speak to one of the enemy, in a calm voice asking which Isle I might find the Quiche---the fool actually told me.  I went through the checkout, with a friendly smile on my face, but kept the cross talk with the clerk to a mere Good Morning, nice day today line of dialog, the checkout clerk grunted still only half awake, I was certain if questioned later, she would not even  be able to describe what I was wearing let alone my face.  I forced myself to maintain the casual pace, taking my supplies to the truck, loading it and casually driving off the lot----expecting any moment to see a wave of box boys race out of the store after me, but I made my get-a-way clean.  ---tis a great start for a Tuesday.

Heres a pic of some of the supplies that were successfully brought back to the castle:

we ain't gonna starve for a few more days anyway. (lol)


  1. I am glad you made it out alive.

  2. Only you could make a trip to the grocery store sound like an adventure.

    Bear((( )))

  3. Good job! You are totally understood on these maneuvers. Shopping is a serious matter. Spouse and I split the list. He drops me at the cosmetics/pharmacy section and then parks on the grocery stide. He goes straight to the day-old-bread rack for first pickin's. We gather the things on each list and then coordinate our exit time by cell phone. We meet and put his cart items in my cart. He tells me where we are parked, I handle checkout. Mission complete. (Wish I could ship you some real free range chicken eggs!)

  4. Oh Grannie Annie,
    So do we Grannie Annie. Fresh is always the best and I can't remember when I had one straight from the hen. Its been years!

    Gary, you are hysterical. I think a movie should be in the making for your espionage type of shopping. Next time wear your fatigues, really get into the mission.

  5. Grocery shopping is quite the adventure ... I loved it ... thank you for giving me a giggle.

    G and I are on a little trip with Mike ... so I've been away from the computer a few days, and will be away a few more.

    Just wanted to say a quick hello and will catch up on blog reading when I have more computer access.

  6. Gary, your raid seems surrealist ! Did you really spend $10 for all these goods or did I misunderstand ? I ask because here in France I would have spend much more than $10 for purchasing your things.

  7. Grocery shopping...it's not just a job, it's an adventure. I thoroughly enjoyed joining you on your mission. Now if only I could make shopping as adventurous as you. Thanks for a great start to my morning.

  8. If only I could figure out what the name is of the funny type of "spaghetti"? that you see on television that the Chinese guy (always a chinese guy) throws into the wok and it kinda EXPLODES. And gets four times its original size in a matter of seconds. You Gary.....of all of america.....I chose to ask YOU. I trust you. You da man.

  9. Dana, I know what you speak of, I saw it done in the Movie "The Four Seasons" with Alan Alda---what a blast. I will send my agents out and get that info for ya.

  10. Gary...where are U???? two days..no post...ya got me a bit worried here. Hope all is ok at your end of the world.

  11. Okay, I'm with Sue, where are you? Hope the shopping trip didn't do you in.


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