Sunday, August 24, 2008

Coupons are for the Mentally Suspect

First off I'm a guy, so what could I possible know about couponing---thats strictly the province of the other Gender. Well I admit I am not an expert by any means but I do observe while standing in the lines waiting for this or that Coupon Queen to resolve their negotiations with the Checkers. I mean talk about reality intertainment-----like the drama expressed should make Couponing a category all to itself---they could call the award handed out a "Cupie Doll".
Anyway again and again I hear the plaintive (usually over emoted) cry of , "ohh I thought it was for any size box, I can't afford the big container, can't you let it go just this one time--the checker shakes her head negatively and gives the customer a heartfelt look of condolence, the customer then moves on to phase two, well if I don't buy the two boxes of cookies then I could afford to buy the larger box and the coupon would then be good right, okay lets do that" I wait while the poor box boy takes the now rejected cookies and gets the larger box of product to make teh coupon work, while the checker goes about deleting the charges for the cookies previous rung up and enters the cost of the now accepted larger product box.---I begin to suspect maybe my checkout line will proceed to make some progress----WRONG---THE INSANE LADY HAS A FIST FULL OF COUPONS, -----my life kinda flashes in front of my eyes, and like a mouse held by the stare of a snake, I watch mesmerized---as the customer and the checker go through the waht I now know is a perfected routine for each---each testing the other to see if they can make them make a mistake, or stumble first---this coupon calls for two of something, not just one, this couple is expired by three days, but the women had bought some of that product several days before but didn't have the coupon with her and well you know----uh-huh,--- nuh-huh---nice try, didn't fly----in my mind I have now taken sides with the checker I am really almost holding my breath as the two work through the pile of coupons, the checkers fingers flying on the cash register, subtracting, adding adjusting---my whole world narrowing down to just these two----now audibly muttering yahoo or boo depending how things went in the back and forth drama----but then finally all the coupons had been worked through---I was like a drunk waking up from an all night bender. My head throbbed, I was kind of disoriented, for a second or two I wasn;t sure where I was or even what day it was----but then reality kicked fully in and I waited to move up in the line---but no wait---the Mad Womens credit card was no good, perhaps a check, what ID did she have??,--- but the mgr of the store knew here husband and-----.
I am very careful only now to get in line clearly marked "no coupons"--------

10 comments:

  1. Do they really have "no coupon" lines? That would be nice.

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  2. The coupon whackos are Reason #32 of my 50 reasons to avoid grocery stores at all costs. My hat is off to you for making your trips there seem so safe and predictable.

    In my opinion, coupons and rebates only work if they cover things you actually want or need. My experience is that most of the time they don't. You end up with a box of 16 frozen no name fish for a feed that might need 5. Then that opened box of 11 sits gathering frost dust and taking up room in your freezer for the next 3 months.

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  3. I sometimes use coupons (when I remember) but I have never seen anything like you describe.

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  4. Good lord man, where do you shop???

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  5. Oh Gary. How I loved that! And what REALLY pisses me off is the person standing there, watching her groceries being added up, who, when it's all finished, looks in astonishment that the time has come to pay up and THEN, she starts digging in her purse for her checks!! Didn't she know ahead of time that she was going to the store? I used to write my checks out while my groceries slid past me.

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  6. I agree with all of the above. It is a rare occasion when I use a coupon and it's only for something that I will use and need at the time. Those coupons are few and far between and most of the time still not worth it. It would be nice if stores put in "no coupon" lines. We do have cash only lines, but of course people who right checks or use credit cards get in them because "I didn't see that sign". And of course, the cashiers take the checks and cc because store policy says don't raise a stink. I actually overheard a man one day in the 20 items or less checkout tell someone that he always gets in this line with a full buggy because it's quicker and they won't make him move even with a full buggy. How rude and inconsiderate is that? Image if we all started doing that......

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  7. I'm not much of a coupon user myself. I did use alot of coupons though when Griffin was using formula. It's very expensive and I would receive coupons in the mail for $3 or $5 off.

    I get frustrated with coupon shoppers sometimes too. I think a way to aleviate the "is this the right product for the coupon" situation would be for the coupon users to put said coupon with each product layed out on the belt. It would save some time I think.

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  8. Back in college, I used coupons a LOT. Not so much now, and only fort theings I buy anyway (Tide detergent, Cheerios). I will say that with product extension - that's when you have a core brand like Coke, and there's Vanilla Cole, Cherry Coke, in regular and diet versions, etc. - it's sometimers difficult to ascertain just what coupon CAN be used.

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  9. ---a certain amount of brain power IS required, one needs to be able to match the picture on the coupon with the product on the store shelf---and be able to read the "size" of the container the coupon is for---but every coupon "queen" knows that is strictly for amatures---a "pro" goes one on one with the clerks---and win by intimidation, thats where the thrill of victory comes in for them.

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  10. My husband and I are huge coupon users. We often use coupons for things we use or need. We are probably the type of people you are talking about, but we always check dates, quantity, and make and model of the product on the coupon. It is nothing for us to save $65 in coupons in one order. We have "coupon" shopping days where almost everything we are buying has a coupon. I would like to lay the coupon out with the item, but the cashiers in NC and VA don't like that, they want them at the end (I always ask first though). Then when they get an error, we have to dig the item out of the bag. That is where the time is used up. It really is a developed skill for us and I don't mind arguing over saving a few cents here and there. The problem is, things cost too much. If things were fairly priced, they wouldn't provide coupons.

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Speak up, don't be a nebish---your opinions do count.